Disrespectful Draft Comparisons: 2025 NBA Draft Edition
It’s the moooost disrespectful timeeeeee of the yearrrrrrr
MERRY CHRISTMAS, NBA DRAFT SICKOS! It’s the SIXTH (wow zomg) annual Disrespectful (but helpful) Draft Comps*. Your favorite draft writer’s favorite draft comps. The one and only source for stupid and immature but insightful projections for incredibly talented, hard working, young men who will be NBA millionaires in short order.
*Ed. Note: Actually it’s the seventh annual, sixth at The Strickland. Not to give SB Nation a click but history is important.
I don’t think I can say it more succinctly than how I phrased it last year:
‘’My goal with these is always, above all else, to make dumb jokes while providing some back-of-the-napkin sales pitch insight into who different NBA prospects might become. However, unlike a lot of what I write, it’s not ‘just’ for Knicks fans. It’s my happy love letter to the rest of you weirdos who love hypothesizing about the future of the NBA, regardless of which teams you root for. For y’all who every year take a break from NBA midseason doldrums to clock-in to the NCAA tournament, brackets and parlays locked and loaded. For the people who make – and consume – YouTube videos about 17-year-old overseas point guards. For the real sickos. My people.’’
Only addendum: it’s for the casuals too! I shan’t discriminate!
The format: each bullet point, first to last, corresponds to a high-end outcome (a really good and unlikely career), a medium-level outcome (much more likely), and low-end outcome (unlucky, awful, disappointing).
As with last year, I want to give a big shout to Charlie (@klaytheist11) from Swish Theory, who is always willing to exchange silly ass ideas for this at all parts of the year and came up with quite a few of these.
Cooper Flagg
High: Kawhite Leonard
Medium: Lobster roll Lamar Odom
Low: Sarsaparilla soda Shawn Marion
Dylan Harper
High: Joe Budden Pump-It-Up-Powered SGA Variant
Medium: Asking AI to make a smarter RJ Barrett
Low: 0.5x speed Jaden Ivey
Aerious “Ace” Bailey
High: Tennessee Trey Murphy III
Medium: Tik Tok TJ Warren
Low: Tween Tween Tim Thomas
Carter Bryant
High: Maximum defense Morris bro
Medium: Melanated Dean Wade
Low: America first Pacome Dadiet
Noa Essengue
High: Thanasis Antetokoumpo if he could level up like Sung Jin Woo
Medium: Sam Presti role player fever dream
Low: Super Brewer
Kasparas Jakucionis
High: Gear Five Goran Dragic
Medium: More turnovers, more free throws, less crypto Spencer Dinwiddie
Low: Giant Cam Payne
VJ Edgecombe
High: Pre-bag-thievery-era Brad Beal
Medium: Atlantis Resort Oladipo
Low: Prime Tony Wroten Jr.
Kon Knueppel
High: Boiled Chicken No Seasoning Mike Miller
Medium: Kyle Korver with entry level point guard software update
Low: Groundbound Doug McDermott
Collin Murray-Boyles
High: Draymond Grizzly Bear
Medium: Late Stage Capitalism Era Elton Brand
Low: Well-Adjusted Isaiah Stewart
Walter Clayton Jr.
High: Civil Rights Legend Type Name Fred Van Vleet
Medium: Florida Man Patty Mills
Low: Jay BIlas Hype Merchant Tremont Waters
Jeremiah Fears
High: Austin Reaves if he was born in Newark, New Jersey instead of Newark, Arkansas
Medium: Unethical Hoops Non-Nepotism Cole Anthony
Low: Podcast Jeff Teague
Jase Richardson
High: Brad Beal if he said said yes instead of no when asked if nicely if he could play like Jrue Holiday (h/t @klaytheist11)
Medium: Jared McCain but replace painted nails with nepotism
Low: Less belligerent Steve Blake
Ben Saraf
High: Knicks D-Rose (the second stint) but teenager instead of senior citizen
Medium: Matzah Malcolm Brogdon
Low: Born in the Wrong Era Devin Harris
Liam McNeely
High: Texas Toast Trent Jr
Medium: Ginger Jimmer
Low: Lone Star Jeremy Lamb
Nique Clifford
High: Rocky Mountain Middleton
Medium: Nico Harrison Mavs Naji Marshall
Low: Mile High Mo Harkless
Tre Johnson
High: Bakugo Ben Gordon
Medium: Howdy Herro
Low: Bip Hamilton
Egor Demin
High: Nikolai Batumovic
Medium: KGBen Simmons, post-76ers (h/t @klaytheist11)
Low: Marko Jaric Without Adriana Lima
Derik Queen
High: Hulkbuster Suit Jalen Johnson
Medium: Aura Farming Al Jefferson
Low: Saucy Tyler Hansbrough
Danny Wolf
High: The Professor x Antawn Jamison
Medium: Torah Diaw (h/t @klaytheist11)
Low: Nemanja Be-yale-itza
Rasheer Fleming
High: Super Soldier Serum Danny Green
Medium: Rolls Royce O’Neal
Low: Moreyball Brandon Bass
Asa Newell
High: The Marvin Bagley That Was Promised
Medium: Prime Derrick Favors
Low: Mo or Less Speights
Thomas Sorber
High: Nu Jerz Nenê
Medium: Pass First Filipowski
Low: Prime Epke Udoh
Khaman Maluach
Will Riley
High: Cosplay Khris Middleton
Medium: Better Looking Mechanics, Less Accurate Jumper Kevin Martin
Low: O Canada Okogie
Cedric Coward
High: Theon Klayjoy (h/t @klaytheist11)
Medium: Unfortunate name for different reasons Evan Fournier
Low: Sea-Tac Simone Fontecchio
